The Non-Lunatic Vast Middle

I'm a member of the anti-lunatic fringe. I was reading the Brain,Child blog thread on Vaccinations, and was so happy to see a post from someone who opted out of vaccines for her child, but who was not at all smug or certain or self-righteous about her choice. Here, below, was my response. I didn't think til afterwards that I should have just posted it here and linked to my own blog in my comment. (I write ridiculously long comments, as my dear friend Maiaoming will affirm.)

ChrEliz's response:
In a world where it's so easy to slam everyone else who has a different opinion, and where it's so easy to blame one cause or another for something like autism, and where it's so common for people to be SO certain about their opinions, I found your post really refreshing. I hear you saying that you did a huge amount of research. I hear you sharing your personal experience of your sister, and how she was typically developing until age 2, and then began exhibiting signs of autism. And yet I also hear you saying that who knows, really, what the causes are, and that there is no one right decision for everyone. You rock. I love your clarity of your choice, and the humility of knowing that your choice was right for you, but not Right, Period. For Everyone. As a mom who did vaccinate with exceptions, I really appreciate your tone and your approach. I completely respect and understand and agree with your choice that you made, even though I made a different choice. If I had had your experiences, I think I would have made the same decision that you did. And that's not to discount the extensive research you did, too. (I'm not suggesting that the only reason you chose non-vax was your sister, is what I'm saying). I do think that our personal experiences drive our desire to find out more, and also create a gut-level predisposition towards a choice. Then the research can help confirm or dissuade that. I'm conflicted enough as it is, but ultimately chose to mostly-vax. I'm heaving a huge sigh of relief that (so far) my kids are okay. Knock wood. So, the last thing I want to read is some screaming mimi blasting moms who vax for being ignorant, heartless, or ill-advised. (And both sides do blast each other, at least the extremists do.)

I would never blast a non-vax mom (or dad -- sorry there, dads) for making her deeply personal and difficult choice. We're all doing our best. Let's support each other and celebrate the great job that we're all doing to raise happy healthy little people the very best we know how. It's such a breath of fresh air to be in community with people making different choices, but without everyone necessarily having to get all defensive, offensive, self-righteous, finger-pointing, or looney about stuff like this.

Maybe there is hope for this crazy #$%&ed-up world of ours if we can have a vaccinations thread in a blog like this one that actually manages to _E_volve, rather than _DE_volve, into a hopeful and productive discussion, rather than a rant-fest. Hallelujah. (P.S. I feel this same way about formula-feeding and breastfeeding, even though I'm a mama whose kids were exclusively breastfed til 6 mos, and nursed til 18 mos/almost 2. I also feel this way about TV watching, in moderation, even though we don't watch any TV in this house. I feel this way about diet, too, even though I'm a vegetarian and my kids are too. I'm not going to judge anyone at ALL for some TV watching, for eating meat, for formula feeding, etc. I am doing my thing. I accept and affirm everyone else for doing their thing. Child abuse, no. Murdering puppies for fun, no. Et cetera. But I'm not one of those lunatic fringe people who thinks that vaccinating, or not vaccinating, is like puppy murder. Nor is f-feeding, tv-watching, etc.

I think I'm actually in the majority on this Live and Let Live approach, but it's just that the vocal fringe elements get a lot more press. I hope that the cheerful, tolerant/affirming, don't-sweat-it , vast majority in the middle will get more and more attention so we can stop having these made-up Mommy Wars and start tackling real problems, like world hunger, the climate crisis, and racism. Putting down my megaphone now. : )