Someone Else's Family

This year, I'm going to go on vacation with someone else's family. No, I'm not starring in some weird new reality TV show --- I am going to practice mindful detachment when I spend a week at the beach with my parents, my siblings, and their spouses and children. I'm going to try to pretend they're someone else's family.

I love my family, even when some of my relatives drive me up a wall. But I have never been able to be detached, in a zen sort of way. This year, when someone says something that in the past I would have felt I just had to respond to, instead, I will freeze, and I'll turn into one of my friends for a minute. I'll channel one of my friends and I'll do what she would do in that moment, if she were there instead of me. Or, I'll mentally transform my aggravating family member into a member of someone else's family.

I'd never make a sarcastic crack at my friend's sister or mother, right? Hopefully this mental role-playing will help me to remember: Don't engage! Let it go! Smile and nod.

I saw a funny cartoon recently. The character was sitting at her computer calling up to her partner who was summoning her to bed. The character said something along the lines of "I can't come to bed now, honey --- Someone is WRONG on the INTERNET!"

It cracked me up, because I have had that awareness of others when I've been online. I've noticed someone else's inexplicable inability or unwillingness to let something go online. I've thought to myself, "Why do you care about this? Just turn off your computer and go do something else. Why are you letting this bother you? Why waste your time? Hit the delete button!"

Next time I find myself on the verge of retorting (and escalating things) when I'm with a family member who's annoying me, I'm going to rise above my situation and think, what would my Best Self say right now to my cartoon character self? Cartoon character self cries, "Someone is WRONG in my FAMILY!" But Best Self gently puts a hand on cartoon character self's hand and says, "That's right, dear, and it's not your job to set them straight. Just go do something else. Smile and nod. Don't engage. Don't argue. Don't let them get to you.

At least now I can literally Run Away when stuff like this happens. I'm going to wear my running shoes all week long so I can dash out the door at a moment's notice.

And no, I'm not even leaving soon. I'm just mentally preparing for this trip, three weeks in advance.

What are your pitfalls when you spend time with your family of origin? What gets your goat? And what strategies work for you to help cope with the stressful times?