Mommy Dates

I took my older daughter on a "Mommy Date" tonight. Dinner out and dessert at a scoop shop, just the two of us. As we began our meal, we were sitting and laughing together, present and joyful in that moment.

That's good that we had that one delightful moment, because the overall date didn't wrap up as sweetly. It took her forever to eat, got late, we were tired, she was cranky, I was feeling (but trying not to act) grumpy, and I felt like a grinch by the end of it, hurrying her out of the scoop shop, looking at my watch, aware that she's going to be sleep deprived tomorrow... It wasn't the carefree experience that I'd been hoping it would be.

At least I've learned something:

Rules for successful Mommy (or Daddy) Dates:

1. Initiate them when there is ample time to enjoy a leisurely outing without bumping into extreme tiredness or late bedtimes/naptimes (for either of you!). The rest of your life holds plenty of opportunity to rush your kid from one place to another.

2. Even when the date isn't awesome, it's still great that you did it, and you'll just need to do it again soon. (Kind of like grown up dates! They're not all going to be stellar, but you just need to keep making one on one time for each other and you'll be back in the groove in no time!)

3. It's really good for each of you to sometimes be the one to initiate a Date. Your kid needs to know that you really are eager to do it, and so you're the one to suggest it and ask for it sometimes. They also need to know that they can ask for it, and you'll make it happen in a timely fashion, and not put it off til mañana.

4. Sometimes Dates should be relatively expensive/fancy, and sometimes they should be free or cheap. It's good for a kid to know that he or she is worth linen tablecloths or a pricey event ticket, or whatever floats your collective boat. It's also good for kids to know that it's the *time* together that counts, not the cost of the activity, so freebies and cheapies are great. (For a list of ideas of free or cheap eco-friendly ways to spend time with your kids in and around Charlottesville, Virginia, see Better World Betty's Backyard Betty - Outdoor Fun list. Have fun coming up with your own lists, too, and sharing them with your friends and communities!

5. If you do find yourself in a time crunch, or some other potentially stressful situation, try --- on this date, more than ever --- to let it go. Let go of the clock, let go of your money woes, or the frustration you feel about the chocolate sauce that got spilled on your favorite jacket that just came back from the dry cleaners. By all means, let go of the day at the office or the tiff with your partner that you had earlier. It's only human to be stressed sometimes, and to show that stress sometimes. But on a Parent-Kid date, a time that you've intentionally carved out to be special and fun, best to just let go of the stresses of life, and let go of any expectations. These moments are gold, and you don't want to remember yourself all pinch-faced and coercive. (Not that you ever aspire to be pinch-faced and coercive, but especially not on a Date!)

Tonight's date went okay, but not swimmingly. Happily, I didn't lose my cool or act like a big meanie or anything; I just wasn't AS relaxed, AS in the flow as I'd have liked to have been. That's okay, not every Date needs to be "perfect." They just need to happen. There's always a next time, and a next time. In the future, I'll be sure to remember rule #1 and, most most importantly, rule #5. In the meantime, I'm glad I made time for my kid and I'm so grateful that, for the next few years anyway, she is totally hungry for one on one special time with me.

Have fun, and please do report back with stories of and ideas for your own special outings with the young people in your life!